Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
do herpes really smell.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
