Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just cropdusted the office
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
