So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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