Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
