my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
