Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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