my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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