Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
