Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
