It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize