are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
