So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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