It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
