Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
