he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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