Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
