I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think my moral compass just broke
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