I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize