I wish I only lived at night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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