I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
