I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
