So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize