Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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