What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
