fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize