that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You took a bar mat shot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
