Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
