i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
