winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
