It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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