Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
