My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize