I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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