I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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