It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I party with great urgency now.
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