I hate your face
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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