Can i not drive my cunt home
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
