I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
