Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize