I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
