She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my shit smells like andre
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
