New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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