but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
