Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
