I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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