my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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