how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
