Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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