Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
