So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize