those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My life is pants optional.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
