Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
