I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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