so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
