So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
