You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
