I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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