Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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