Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
me + whiskey = a bad person
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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