she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
