hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
