SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
