She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize