The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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