just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
