I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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