I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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