You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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