Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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