funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
