I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
