True but thats because hes a fetus.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
