I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
