I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
