if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
