My room smells like vodka and shame
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
