I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
