so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
