we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
