there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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