How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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