imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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