There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
