Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
