everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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