filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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