batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
