this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
