singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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