i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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