that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
