feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
