I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
